I hope my daughter grows up considering her adoption as positive and special as I view it, but the truth is that she may not feel that way all the time. She may grow up yearning for a biological connection that I can not give her. She may feel cheated of some parts of the human experience because of her adoption. If that's the case, I don't want her to feel obligated to fulfill some sort of "dream come true" offspring fantasy that I create in the early euphoria of her placement. I adopted Cataleya because I wanted to commit my whole self to her- not because I expect anything in return.
So it's taking me some time to make sure I share only parts of the story that are mine to tell and that I do so in a way that doesn't place undue pressure on our family to be perfectly put together all (or even most) of the time.
But it's coming. I promise.
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| Cataleya's 1st restaurant dinner |
Adoption is so multi-layered and is always born out of loss. It can be turned it into something beautiful, but it doesn't change the fact that we will never be "everything" to our kids - and that's ok. But I don't think there is anything wrong with painting your picture, one of fullfilment and wonder, as long as you also provide her the access to paint HER own and explore her own ideas about adoption. And I have no doubt that you have the wisdom, grace and compassion to meet her whereever she is and to answer the questions that one day await.
ReplyDeleteAnother thought is to have a seperate blog that is private and only you have access. Share everything there as if written to her. It will will important for her to have her story in its entirety. Eventually have that printed in book form for her to have. I did my kids' through Blog2Print.
ReplyDeleteThis kind of love-- to love fully with no expectations-- a rare love in this world. Blessings ! Loved this post!
ReplyDeleteI love how respectful and careful you are with her story. And I really love that the drink in that picture is as big as Cataleya!
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