Overwhelming Calm

This moment, right now, being Cataleya's Mom is pure reward. She is growing and developing at hyperspeed. I feel like I blinked and she turned from a teeny baby into a little girl. We're more quickly calling her Cat as she gets older. It seems to fit her- cool and attention grabbing. 

She walks everywhere like she owns the place. She's climbing stairs without assistance, kicking a ball, jumping on 2 feet, standing on tip toes, and squatting to play. We're still working on pedalling a tricycle- she'd much rather be pulled around in a wagon. She walks on a balance beam in physical therapy, and throws bean bags at a target. They've done rollerskates as well, but I'm convinced it was purely for entertainment purposes. Cat hated it, but it was hilarious.

Cataleya loves books. She wants to be the boss of turning the pages, so you have to read quick to get in the whole story in. She'll sit and "read" on her own a few times every day, and it's the cutest thing I've ever seen. She's stringing beads, and doing shape sorters. We are working on colors, and she's getting there. She can separate a group of like objects by color when you really have her attention and she feels like it. She can also draw vertical lines, horizontal lines, and circles.

Her personality is fiesty. She makes her preferences known. She does this arched-back, impossible to pick her up and transport her, totally 2 years old move that we of course absolutely love. He's also so sweet to her siblings- hugs, kisses, rubbing their backs. She sits next to her big brother when he's on the steps in time out. Cat wasn't the cuddliest baby, but as she gets older she likes to snuggle and sit on our laps more. She makes funny faces and finds herself hilarious.

She's peeing on the potty every time we put her on!! We're not really working on potty training, just getting her used to the idea, but she does awesome and get so proud of herself when she goes. If we forget to clap, she claps for herself.

Cataleya's ASL is getting crazy good. She pops out these signs and phrases that impress us all the time. She signs: Mommy, Daddy, TV, play, dog, cat, outside, please, more, sorry, The Wiggles, Ready, church, money, store, turn, share, red, blue, baby, drive, yes, no, sleep, tired, mad, hurt, sick, book, help, ball, block, monkey, bug, elephant, bird. We started her in the School for the Deaf here. She goes Monday, Wednesday, Friday 9a-2:30p. She loves her teachers and is ambivalent about her friends. ASL is the language of instruction there, so she's going to pick up language fast. We are working everyday to keep up. 

We are getting ready for a trip to Boston to meet with the very best heart doctors in the country. They are going to run a bunch of tests, and decide of they can move forward with a big and complicated surgery to lengthen and improve Cat's life. There are moments where I panic and cry. There are moments when I consider tiny urns and funeral services. Most of my moments are spent singing and praying the name of Jesus over her. He's the only One who loves her more than I do, and I know His plans for her are good. 

But today. Today I have an overwhelming calm that everything will be OK. Cat has come so far and made this world so much better already. Nothing can take away from who she is right now. To be the witness and reporter of her life is more than I deserve. It's everything I never knew I wanted. Today we watch the Wiggles and sing every verse of Wheels on the Bus. Today we kiss and rock and tickle. 

2 Years Old

Quinceañera

Today, someone I love deeply turns 15. I've been thinking of her all day. Praying that she is having a lavish celebration with a delicious cake, and a dress that makes her feel beautiful. I'm praying she got the chance to enjoy what the rite of passage is meant to bring her.

I sent a card to the adoption agency for her. It was purple, sparkly, and ornate- with well wishes scripted in Spanish. Just like everything I've sent the agency, I do not know if it was ever picked up.

I think about her all the time. Even though that might sound exaggerated, it's really not. Most of the time when she crosses my mind, I send up a prayer for safety and peace and wish there was more I could do for her.

What my life is now, who I am, my little girl - all started with that 15 year old across the country.

I can't offer a birthday present, but I will honor you by giving everything to your baby that I possibly can. I will stay up late looking for the best treatments for her. I will wake up early to prepare her meals. I will be extra careful that she gets to have every fun kid moment she deserves. We'll splash in puddles and pop the bubble wrap from mail packages. We'll count the squirrels and flowers on our walks around the block. I'll teach her about the God that created her just the way she was meant to be. I'll tell her not to let anything stop her from doing what's right.

And when she turns 15, I'll throw her the Quinceañera you deserve today. We'll find the puffiest dress, and the pinkest lipstick. I'll find someone who knows how to make a traditional almond cake. We'll invite everyone to witness Cataleya become a woman as she receives her gifts and blessings from the people who love her. Then we'll dance like crazy people and party our night away. In my party planning daydreams, I hope you'll be there too.

Happy Birthday.

18 Months

Easter 2013

Adoption Day

News!!

We're home and Cataleya is feeling great since her run in with RSV.

Since being home, she has decided to start eating by mouth and is progressing really nicely with that. We've been slowly making the switch away from formula through her Gtube to pureed food through the Gtube and by mouth. She's getting too big!!

Cataleya was approved for adoption subsidy AND we got her adoption finalization date!!!!

So on March 15th, she will officially be Cataleya and stuck with us forever.

I don't want to ruin the happiness with complaining, but here it is anyway: I begged and pleaded and dealt with several levels of private and government agencies to get the agency of disappointment to apply for subsidy for her. I was told she didn't qualify. I was told there was no one in a position to help her. I was told no one wanted to help her. Finally on January 5th, Dear Sir sent the application and it was approved on January 17th without even a request for additional information. This approval will ensure Cataleya never has a lapse in medical coverage and can be given every medical and therapy opportunity needed to keep her well through childhood. Something that without this program and considering her medical needs- would cost hundreds of thousands of dollars out of pocket even with private insurance. So why did it take several threats and angry emails to get this done, when clearly New York State agreed she needed this and clearly it was possible? We could have all played nice and been friends, but they forced me to get all Italian Mama on them. Either way, it's over and I am content in knowing I did what was best for Cataleya.

I can't believe I get to keep her. I have the cutest Valentine now and forever.

Fw: Baby Girl Needs Forever Family

Exactly one year ago today, I received this email:

---- Forwarded Message -----
From:
To:
Sent: Friday, January 27, 2012 7:33 PM
Subject: Baby Girl Needs Forever Family

I am sending you this email hoping you may have contacts of families who may be interested in adopting a child with special needs.

We are seeking an immediate forever family for Baby Girl “D” born with significant special needs.

"D" is of Mexican heritage.  She was born in CA at 33 weeks on January 2, 2012.   Baby was diagnosed withDiGeorge Syndrome, which involves a multitude of medical issues and may involve future mental health issues.  She has a severe heart defect that will require several surgeries.  First surgery will be occurring soon and then two shortly afterward.  Her right side of her heart is very small.  There is banding of the right ventricle and too much blood is flowing from the heart to the lungs.  She is described as beautiful and appears healthy but many current and long-term health issues are and will be involved. “D” has lots of hair, big brown eyes, and her ears appear to be set evenly.  She has two very slightly webbed toes on both feet (the second and third toes.)  Birth mom is 13 years old.  Birth mom will sign upon family identification.  Birth father already signed.

Baby will be in hospital in CA for at least three more weeks.

After a few text messages with the amazing friend who thought of us when she got this email, and a lot of reigning in my own excitement, I showed it to my husband who I believe said, "That'd be cool". And it certainly has been cool. 5 weeks to the day after this email, I held my daughter for the first time.

RSV

There is a long version of this story that no one would ever want to read, so here are our past 2 weeks in a nutshell:

Cataleya is high risk, so she receives the Synagis vaccine every month to prevent RSV. The shots are $4,000 each and they are needed every moth from November -April. She got her November and December dose, and was scheduled to get the January dose on the 21st.

On the 16th, she started with a runny nose and fever, so we brought her to the pediatrician and they did a flu swab. The next day they called to say she did not have the flu, she had RSV. She was really sleepy that day, but nothing terrible. At 3am on Friday the 18th, Cataleya's overnight nurse woke us up because Cataleya was having a difficult time keeping her oxygen up. We tried to help her at home until 8am when we brought her into the hospital.

Friday 1/18 at admission

 At home, Cataleya takes about 70% of her breaths on her own and the vent gives her 10 breaths per minute. Because she was struggling so hard to take her breaths, The doctors had to increase the vent settings so the vent was taking all of Cat's breaths for her. Cataleya didn't like that and needed to be sedated and paralyzed in order to stop fighting the vent.

There were some bumps in the road like high blood pressure that turned into low blood pressure and a secondary bacterial infection. I hate not being able to hold her and I'm concerned about what 2 weeks flat in a bed is going to do to her amazing recent physical progress.

But today they went down a little on her vent and lifted some of her sedation. She blew a kiss and is opening her eyes a little here and there. She alternately cries and smiles. I think she's confused about what's going on.

I think we're in the upswing right now. It's scary how quickly she can get so sick, but it could have been worse.

Cataleya's Candy Shoppe

When we were in California last March meeting Cataleya, I came up with the idea of a candy themed party for her. Maybe it would be her welcome home party or adoption day party, but either way I needed to do some pinterest-ing. Over the year, this party took shape into the sweetest 1st birthday party ever.

The striped candy bags say: "Grab a bag. Take a treat. Cat is 1 and life is sweet"

"Gumdrops, Lollipops, and so much fun!
Sweet Cataleya just turned 1 !"

Cataleya did not try any cake, but she tasted every single gift. She is one loved little girl.

At the end of the night, we were left with some extra coloring sheets and some sleepy Mama/toddler snuggling.